Helping Children Through Grief
When a family faces the death of a loved one, parents often feel the double weight of their own grief and their children’s. It is not easy to know what to say, how much to share, or how to protect a child’s sense of security when you are hurting yourself. Yet children, no matter their age, notice far more than we sometimes realize. Even very young children sense when the adults around them are upset, and they often need help to put feelings into words.
Grief in children does not look the same as it does in adults. Some cry often, others may become angry or restless, and still others seem to carry on as if nothing has happened. This does not mean they are not grieving. Children experience grief in cycles. They may ask the same questions repeatedly, or appear fine one day and deeply upset the next. As they grow, they will revisit the loss with new understanding, which means their grief can resurface at different stages of development.
Silence can make grief confusing
Parents sometimes hope to protect their children by avoiding painful conversations, but research shows that silence can make grief more confusing and isolating. Clear, honest explanations are better than vague reassurances. Euphemisms such as “gone to sleep” or “went away” could, in some cases, create fear and misunderstanding. Children need to hear the word “death” explained in ways they can understand. For example, saying “Grandma died. That means her body stopped working and she cannot come back” helps children begin to grasp what has happened. However, every child is different, and every case require individualized attention. It is also important to let children take part in family rituals. Attending a funeral or creating a memory book can give them a chance to say goodbye and to see that grieving is something families do together.
Memory-making activities such as looking at photos, drawing pictures, writing letters to the loved one, help children keep a connection with the person they lost while slowly learning to move forward. Parents themselves need support too. When you are exhausted from your own grief, it can feel impossible to hold space for your child’s feelings. Children are especially affected by the surviving parent’s emotional health. Taking care of yourself by accepting help from relatives, friends, or counselors, is also a way of caring for your children.
Sometimes Sadness Becomes Overwhelming
There is no timeline for grief. Most children will adapt over time, especially when they feel safe and supported. But if sadness becomes overwhelming, if sleep or school struggles persist, or if your child seems unable to express any feelings at all, it may be time to seek professional help. Therapy can provide a safe place where children and parents together can learn to express, understand, and carry their grief without being consumed by it. Every family’s journey through loss is unique, but one thing is universal: children grieve best when they are not left alone with their questions and fears. Sitting with them, answering honestly, and showing that all feelings are welcome sends the most powerful message of all that even in grief, they are not alone.